I know it has been a long time since I have blogged, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to post anything. Everytime I thought about it, I knew it would be important to share about my dad, since the whole point of us blogging is to share our life. So I guess by posting this, I am telling you and myself I am ready.
The last 11 months have been a whirlwind of difficulties, gratefulness, sadness and joy. After I was diagnosed last November, we were in shock, but through prayers by so many people I was given peace. Peace that God would carry me through the cancer. I felt as though I was prepared no matter what the outcome would be, because I believe God has a good and perfect will. He did carry me through the cancer and after surgery in February, I found myself cancer free. My spirits were high throughout this time and I felt the joy and peace God gives us when we allow Him to have control.
All that to say, I was not ready for what was to come after losing my dad in May. That was a tragic loss and extremely difficult and still is now. (Monday will be 5 months) Grief was so much more difficult than what we endured with cancer, although looking back I can see God's hand at work using the journey through cancer to prepare me. He had taught me to lean on him through prayer, scripture, family & friends. The grief is still extremely difficult, but I couldn't imagine going through this without God. I miss my dad so much, but I can find joy in my memories with him and knowing he is in Heaven. Through grief I experienced so much sadness and depression, it felt like a dark tunnel in which I could not see light on the other side. I kept praying that God would take it away, but I know that is not how God works. He is fair and just and I believe that He knew that the sorrow would make me stronger and more prepared for this difficult world. Matt and I are both stronger and closer in our relationship with each other and our relationship with God. I will blog more later about my journey through the depression and the power of God's whispers through that time.
As for now, Matt and I leave for Houston tomorrow for my 6 month check up. My check up will consist of blood work, ultrasounds and a visit with my doctor. I feel like I have no reason to be concerned. I feel at peace right now.
Finally, I want to share with you a few verses that kept my head above water even when it felt more like I was drowning. Through these verses I was comforted knowing that God's will for my life is Good & Perfect always even though it does not include all of the "wonderful" plans I have, that the Lord is my strength and He covers all fears, anxiety and pain. He has carried me through all of this and I am grateful to have learned so much. I am grateful to have gone through the journey of cancer because of what it taught me about a temporal world and relying on God, I can't same the same about losing my sweet daddy, but I am sure one day I will.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future."
Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety."
Phillipians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Love you all,
Court
